Bleach Story
Hello, guest!

Welcome to My Hero Academia: Starting Line. We hope that you enjoy your stay here. If you are not already a member, please REGISTER. If you are a lucky member, then please log in below.

Thank you.
Welcome to My Hero Academia: Starting Line
An MHA Roleplay Forum for beginners and veterans, where you can create your own RP character, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!

You are not connected. Please login or register

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

#1 Ritorukirā Akuma on Sun Aug 27, 2017 5:36 am


Name: Ritorukirā Akuma "prefers to be called Aku"
Alias: Little Killer Demon
Real Age: 1999
Phys. Age: 9 or 24
Gender: Male
Personality: Its a no brainer that Aku acts like a child, but there is more to him then just that. He adapts to everything around him, if people act nice to him he is nice to everyone around him, if someone act bad to him he will hate him and act the same to said person. He prefers to be around older people then people his age for some strange reason, mainly around ladies. He also likes to be around animals more, even befriending some pretty powerful once as well, one of them being Shijin. Most of the time he just acts like a child or a adult in a child's body when needed. He also doesn't like it when you mess with his food or make him drop it cause he will hurt you. His other form is a different story though.

Aku's more adult form is more cold and serious. He act like he was waking in hell for so long he does not care for anything but to kill. He doesn't want anything to do with anyone or anything, it might have to do with his past but your guess is as good guess as mine. It seems that he also that he is like a big brother the Aku's normal form. It also becomes more aggressive in combat then his normal form as well. Other then that it is hard to tell what he is thinking in either form.


Height: 4'4
Weight: 68 LBS
Physical Traits: Aku in his normal form looks like a young child who doesn't know where he is hat the moment. His eyes are a piercing blue, his eyes look normal but when he speaks it looks like you are talking with a demon which his name does mean Little Killer Demon. His skin his very pale with some light grey hair, the hair is longer then short, and he does look like a healthy young boy with no scars. He does have a tattoo of a Gashadokuro on his back though even Aku doesn't know where he got it. He wear a light gentlemen suit because the person who he lives with say he looks good in it and cute in it as well. He also wears a strange looking object on his right hand that is used for one of his abilities .But he normally wears a long sleeved black shirt with a jacket on with cat ears on the hood making it look like he has cat ears with dark blue pants. He also wears a pendent what was with him when he was found.

In his adult form he looks the same but with more smoky blue eyes. The tattoo on his back changes to a Oni. Little is known why the tattoo chances but it is not to worry about. The adult form is more well built, and is handsome but remember this form is rare to see. In this form his cloths are different to the normal form, he wears a t-shirt with the pendent hanging right where his heart is. Other then that he looks the same as his normal form would if older and had ashy blue eyes instead of piercing blue eyes.


General Fighting Style: Aku will only fight if he thinks the enemy is strong enough or the enemy attacks first. He changes up his combat very fast using his weapons as tools and the area as his weapon. Many people has lost to him more times then once because of his tactics, the only time he lost was when he cut off bit of cloths from a lady, he was to shy to fight her so he lost cause of that. The first style is called dark rush where he swings so fast it seems like a shadow pass by you and then you get hit you, he also uses one of his ability to hit you from behind or dodge a attack. He then will keep attacking at high speeds for a while, he will tire out fast if he keep it up so he will rarely do it. He will mainly go for any weak spots he can fin. He will also act older if he wants to but normally doesn't .He will also use his abilities to change the area into more of his advantage and create new optical for his enemies. This is what he does in his normal form in his other form his attack are different.

When he transform into his adult form it becomes more aggressive. Not only would he use his speed but his strength to overpower his enemy. Keeping some of his fighting styles from his normal form but with a ton of power to back it up. He will also try to strike a clean shot at the brain for a quick and clean battle with lesser foes. Normally he will keep to his normal form for many vs one battles and will transform only if there is someone to strong for normal Aku. Normal form for him deals with large groups while adult form deals with a single strong opponent. Other then that speed and power is what he normally uses. It also seems that this for also seems to care about is fighting and winning battles.

Strengths: Close/Long Range Combat,Speed, and Evasion
Weaknesses: Blocking, Spells, and Group combat

Ability Name: Magma Core and Stake Launcher
Ability Description:
Magma Core: Summons lava to fill in the area and to be used in many different ways. (lasses 4 turns) (cool down 5)
Magma core Tech: Imbued; Gives the users weapons fire damage as in cause burns on the enemy (Cool down 3 turns)
Scorcher; directs lava at the enemy (does about 50 damage per hit) (cool down 3 turns)
Lava Weapons; creates weapons from lava that can explode as strong as a hado 40 (cool down starts after 5 weapons used)(cool down is 2 turns)

Stake Launcher: A ability that places a devise on the users right hand that can fire a spike which can be made if the user picks up any solid material and it transform into a spike. It can be fired with less power but that's only used in personal uses by the current user. It also can fire a chain which can bring the user out of harms way or to help solve puzzles by bring objects to the user .Its strength is that of a Hadou 40 .He can not uses others Zanpakuto as a stake what so ever. Its only limits is that is can not use living material like people, live trees, or animals how ever it can use bone he also can't use cloth. Once the material is transformed it can be retrieved if it does not shatter into splinter/pieces .Certain material has its own spacial property when it is fired. Its range is 100 feet.
Volcanic Rock: Explodes into flames (Cero speed and power, Inflicts 2nd degree burns)
Ice: Cause ice burns on enemy or slows them down (Cero Speed, Gran Rey Cero power)
Conducive metals: Cause the object to electrocute enemies (Bala speed and power, 1st degree burns)
Stone: Slams into the enemy with power.(Cero Speed, Gran Rey Cero power)
Bone: Causes acid burns or breaks mid air to make it harder to evade.

Stake Launcher only can fire one stake per turn.
Magma core has a 200 feet radius.


Sealed Appearance:

Zanpakutou Name: Izanami-no-Mikoto
Call Out Command: She Who Welcomes

Zanpakutou Spirit:
She does not fight what so ever, only as a self defense. She primarily Aku's care taker but also helps him out when he needs it in non combat situations. She prefer to be called Tora Due to her cat ears on her head. It also seems she resembles much of Aku's wife when he was alive,
my guess it was easy to use a form that meant a lot to Aku when he was alive. Her personality is calm and collective one, she acts this way due to her role in caring for Aku. Further more it seems she doesn't like it when Aku wanders off on his own, as we said before she is his caretaker now. Last thing about her,
it seems she gets a little nerviest when Aku is in his adult form, we don't know why due to lack of time and resources.


Fake Out: Makes a mirage of the user to evade attacks or to trick the enemy to get in closer, also known as miss direction. (cooldown 2 turns) (only works with normal attacks)
Quick Draw: When firing the Stake Launcher ability, its speed and range doubles (cool down is 3 turns, no added damage)
Geyser: For the duration of Magma Core random spouts of superheated water erupt from the ground and travel up at Cero speeds. Each Geyser is 50 meters tall and 1 meter in diameter. The spouts damage anyone hit by them, including the user, with Hadou 30 damage. Additionally, each hit can apply a 1st degree burn.(lasses/cooldown is the same as magma core)(magma core modifier ability activate the same as magma core does)
Larger Mag: Can fire one more stake in a post (cooldown 2 turns)(stakes must be the same for Larger Mag to work)(Can not work with any other ability modifier)

Boosts: Speed 2x, Attack 2x, Defense 2x, Durability 2x, and Stamina 2x


New Name: Underworlds Blessings

Steam vents: Like Geyser, it sprays out jets of sulfuric gasses that can poison or choke the air out of the user and/or the enemy slowing them down by 25% of their speed lasting only 1 turn(asses/cooldown is the same as magma core)(magma core modifier ability, activates at the same time as magma core)

Tracker: If a enemy is hit with a Stake, they can be tracked for 2 turns. The stake leave a energy that can not be removed by anyone nor masked. The range it about 200 feet or within the range of Magma core. (cool down 3 turns)
Double Wammy: Fires two Stakes at the same time. (Meant to hit two different enemies at the same time but can hit the same enemy if they are larger then 10 meters)(cooldown 3 turns)(does not work with Larger Mag)(can use two different ammo types)

Boosts:  Speed 3x, Attack 3x, Defense 3x, Durability 3x, and Stamina 3x

New Name: Mothers Gift

Eruption: Lava rocks start erupting from the ground and starts to launch them  at random, this can slam into anyone on the field and can reach over 1.5x the distance of Magma Cores field with the same damage as a Hadou 40. Near the end of it run it fires a massive lava rock that can cause double the damage then a normal size rock which the size of the larger rock is about 25 meters large. The smaller rock are about 5 meters and only ten are launched out per post.The rock can either give the person it hits a broken bone or 2nd degree burns. Each rock is also launched about 50 meters up into the air. (Magma core modifier ability, activates at the same time as Magma core.)
Meteor Slam: At the last run for Eruption, the user can launch up and double the damage of the final Lava rock and can also aim it at a enemy. This can only be done once after that the larger Lava rock with only be 15 meters big every time it shows up and only does 1.25x the normal damage.
Double Tap: A single attack that hits twice by using a eminence speed so it seems like one attack. (cool down 5 turns)
Stultification: Turns any non solid objects into a solid and is able to be uses as the stake launcher ammo (takes on the properties of which ever type of ammo it is related to.) (wind: Bala speed, cero power) (no cool down)

Boosts:  Speed 4x, Attack 4x, Defense 4x, Durability 4x, and Stamina 4x

History: There is limited history on his past but there is history in when he was found. It was stated by the squad 3 that they found him near a area where a lot of hollows normally show up, but they found a lot of dead ones that had deep gashes and deep stab wounds, it was also reported that .Aku was then found naked, out cold, starving to death, with a strange tattoo on his back and with a weapon. He was brought back to the soul society and brought him back to health. Many from squad 4 thought he would not pull though but guess what he did and it was quite sometime before he had the energy to move or even speak. After that they ask if he knows his own name, he told them and asked him if he was the only person. He said that he was on his own for such a long time. He said he mainly survived off of small animals that he could catch and ate raw. After that they asked if he would like to stay with someone, he nodded. After that he attended the soul reaper recruit  area and went thought it pretty fast. Many started calling him Little Killer Demon, though in irony in it is that his name means exactly just that, but he keeps asking people to call him Aku for short or something that doesn't make him seem like he is a sinner. But he grew to like that little nickname of his and started thinking of joining one of the more rowdy Squads in the SS. He started to cause more destruction in the areas where he fights people or hollows while using his abilities to give him the fighting advantage. After that he soon joined squad 11 in combat. He normally stays away from the grunt and hangs out with others that are not so destructive. Most people saw him a child in the middle of chaos but he saw himself as the chaos with in more chaos. Anyway in his free time he likes to talk to the captains of other squads to see what he can doe if he doesn't want to be in the 11 squad or take up some odd jobs for some people. Most of the odd jobs are mostly delving notes or letters to other people in other squads or in the same one, others odd jobs are more of chores then anything cause the are either cleaning or helping out with research for the 12th squad, either way they are mostly boring ones that he doesn't like doing but he does it any way.

Now for his past, Aku seemed to be of nordic heritage but with a different name but a weapon that looks the same as the on he uses now, it is yet unknown why is that but further research needs to be made. He lived in a village that believed that a great demon will one day come and destroy them all from this world and the next. This demon turned out to be a earlier version of a hollow. It did attack the village and killed most of the humans there but Aku's mother and father had left the village because of the legend. They when to a area that is now called Russia and had stayed there until Aku was born, he did grow up to be about 24 but it is yet unknown why he looks like a 9 year old. Anyway he had made a weapon that is similar to what he uses now, he called it wrath. He soon went on to a area where volcano's were more common, he soon found a town over run with bandits, so he started a quest to kill all the bandits in the area, took about two years to do that so he went to a different area after word. He then entered a area that is now known as china which took two more years to get to and took a boat to Japan. He learn how to speak like them which took  half a year to do. He learn so much about them and taught them how to speak the words he spoke which is now a dead language. He soon fell in love with a woman that would become a yuki-onna spirit, he soon died at the hands of a demon sent from the goddess of the underworld. His lover soon died on her way to her home area during a blizzard. It is not very clear what happen but i will try my best to describe it to you.

It seemed to me that Aku seemed to get the named he is using from a spirit that found him, he was old and raise the young souls. He still remembered how to uses his weapon but he does not remember his life when he was alive. That is all the information we can find on his past so far, it is really difficult to fine anything on Aku but it seems that he lived a strange life of adventure and making allies in the strangest of areas. One of these adventures helping creating the path for a great country to pop up, Greece. Before it was a real country it was just a bunch of people praising their gods and killing each other like rabid animals that had nothing better to do. But one of these clan of people wanted to unite everyone to form a mega clan of some sort, but have different areas with different meanings to each of them. Like Sparta and Athene in how one was all for fighting and building up a unstoppable army to a area where learning and knowledge was everything. Aku had help start the path to that dream by fighting and supporting with that same man. Another adventure he had was with a man who wanted to collect some herbs to help cure his granddaughter, though it was in vane cause she had died before they got back, the old man seemed to be a lot older then normal people back then, it was believed he was 75 years old. The herb they got only help if a person had a cold or flu but back then those two illnesses could kill. The third adventure he had was with a man who wanted to find a item said to be used by the gods to change the whole world or to destroy it, either way Aku was going to use it for himself to destroy the item it self.

It sadly turned out the item was just a wooden stick that someone thought was a item used to doe all that junk about creating or destroy the world like some sort of absolute god of creation or some dumb shit like that. Anyway he had many more adventures, killed a bunch of people, got to get a lot of money, traveled a lot, saw many MANY weird things, and got married then died and started up his after life life. You know the rest of the story, many other things surround some of the things in his life and why he is like that.

Anyway some history on some of the moment Aku's adult form pop up out of no where, many time he had showed up and people had asked him 'Are you related to Aku by any chance?' Normally he gives them the stink eye and walk off. He has been asked by people that they should date someone, again that form isn't a big talker and rarely shows up and rarely show his face. When he turns back people that saw him ask him all the time 'Hey Aku do you have a older brother, and why don't you live with him?' Normally Aku tell them that he doesn't have one nor does he have any family he knows of. People have tried to adopt him or even take him as their own but he doesn't like that so he will normally just try and stay away as far as he can from those people. He doesn't know why people are like that nor does he want to find out, there was a insistent where some girls had kidnapped him and force him into a weird cat costume, they took pictures and sent it to every lady soul reaper in the area, not his fines moment but that will happen if you look like a 9 year old for a long time. After that he will walk away or keep talking to him even though he has nothing to talk about but combat or how their day is going so far .We are trying to find more information on him but it is hard to find this kind of info on anyone here so we will try are best to find more info on him.

Side Notes: His second form only appears when he release his bankai. He lives who ever takes him first only if they are shimigami. The three Magma core modifier abilities can only be activated one at a time like you only can have Geyser active, or steam vent or eruption but not all three.

Roleplay Sample: Aku was walking though the research area where he was asked to deliver something there by a someone he knew cause work. He did and went back home, he doesn't know why he was asked to do that but he did it anyway. When he returned to his home for the day he saw a note from the person he was living with, it read "Hey i was pulled to a long mission so i want be home for a few days, I did make your favorite treat 'watermelon shape cookies' do not eat them all in one sitting, you know you will get a tummy ache if you do" He looked around and saw that that there was a lot of food for a while. After a while, some of the persons squad mates came by Aku asked where the person he was living with was, they said "They moved to the american branch. You will have to find someone else to live with." He still had some of the cookies they had made for him, the shimigami's then said "They are leaving you the recipe to make those cookies you love so much." Aku face brightened up like the sun. So every time he goes out to kill hollows he always have a snack to refuel him after he is done killing them. But a hollow knocked him down spilling the cookies onto the ground, he then started to slowly and brutally kill the hollow and feed him his own entrails. He then walked home and made more, don't fuck with with Aku's food or you will die.

Last edited by Quill Elderwood on Tue Sep 05, 2017 12:20 am; edited 20 times in total

View user profile

#2 Re: Ritorukirā Akuma on Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:53 am

Lava Weapons and Ice Weapons - just say hado 11. Not everyone knows what the name is.

Frost Bite - Define ice damage? Does it leave ice on them? or is it just super cold? does it do first degree frost bite? this would be easier to compare to a bala than just leaving it as is.

Fake Out - how long does this last? one post? one attack? what if they don't attack it. Does it stay put? Does attacking it make it vanish or does the attack just pass through and it stays put? When does this go away?

Dark Nebula - This gives you a conflicting element for no other purpose than to have one? Why does this exist? It has nothing in common with fire and ice? if you can at least give a realistic reason as to why and how he does this then I can consider it a mere gimmick and leave it be at 1 dura and 1 cd as long as you state how much vision is lost. it SOUNDS like 75%.

Ice Chain: - this is a grapple move and thus would only work or be allowed if permission was given OOC or you worded it in such a way as to make it not be an auto hit so that they could decide when they post. This being an auto, as is currently thought, would not be approved.

Buzz Saw - All numberless kidou for canon is on a 4 post CD. This means your comparison is at a hadou 85-ish level at the highest and means this can't be spammable. Might also wanna work on the wording a bit. If you want this to be spammable it's power is going to have to "Drop".

Reapers Slash - same issue. This can't have a one post CD if it's being compared to such a high class kidou ability.

Head start - do you mean they "run" faster? they "attack" faster? they "think" faster? "smell" faster? "hear" faster? What exactly does your use of "speed" cover here because it's vague and could apply to anything making it extremely powerful for a passive.

Breaking point - please fix grammar.. This is a "Barrier breaker" ability. Otherwise it's fine.

Giga Slash - The issue here is while you are in a form that could HAVE this powerful of an attack (x2 Hadou 85) it would be massively taxing on your energy and probably have a 7-8 post CD. If not be a final ability all together (At which point we'd say bump it to 2 forbidden kidou but then it's once per thread and then your done)

Enemy of my Enemy: This needs to be explained more. Does this mean the left half of your "area" is Lava and the right "half" of the area is ice? Because otherwise I can't see this even being possible in a fantasy setting as the lava would either melt the ice or the ice would turn the lava into molten rock. It wouldn't be able to mix together. Does this also mean you can use both your fire and ice abilities "At the same time" Because I would need to require you can only use one per post but can switch which one you are using every post.

Side Note - I love that you tried so hard on your history but please space it out better it's one big block of text and it makes it hard to focus and read.

View user profile

#3 Re: Ritorukirā Akuma on Thu Aug 31, 2017 9:37 am


View user profile

#4 Re: Ritorukirā Akuma on Mon Sep 04, 2017 9:57 pm

Okay lets start from the top. I know making a character app is an exciting and fun process and you want to finish it so you can start RPing with your new character as soon as possible however, it would help you in a few ways to extensively proofread your character apps. First it will your flush out your character more which will help people understand who your character is and what their goals are etc. Second, it will help you with describing your abilities better which will in turn make your combat more realistic and interesting. The first two in combination will also likely lead to higher tiering for your character over time. So I would suggest you proofread and fix common things like using "then" instead of "than" and subject verb agreement. Moving onto the combat portion of the app.

The first thing I would like to see if under strengths, chaining Speed and Evasion to Agility which includes Speed and Reflexes. Speed and Reflexes together will help with evasion and this strength is standard across the site.

In your weaknesses section I don't think you can have Blocking and Group Combat. Blocking is very open ended and Group Combat would really depend on the group you are fighting with or against. So I would suggest replacing these with something else. Remember we have this: Stats and Boosts.
These are standard stats that every character app can have as strengths or weaknesses.

Magma Core and Steak Launcher
For these you should make them all separate abilities instead of lumping them together. I will help people you are RPing with locate and understand the abilities in your character app. Also make a separate cooldown section of each ability. It makes locating the cooldowns easier so:


Magma Core
You say: Summons lava to fill in the area and to be used in many different ways. Summoning lava is okay but we need more detail. First, how is the lava summoned? Is it pushed up from under the Earth? Does it rain down on the battlefield? Second, how much area/volume does the lava cover? We need a quantification to decide if this is reasonable. You say a 200 ft. radius but how deep is the lava in this radius?

Magma Tech Core: Imbue
It is okay to give your weapons additional damage however we do need more detail. First how are the weapons imbued with this extra damage? Do they have to be dipped in the lava from Magma Core or does the lava from the Magma Core rise and coat the weapon? Second, how much damage is dealt per hit? Hadou 20, Hadou 30? Right now there appears to be no cooldown on this ability which each hit would have to deal Hadou 40 damage or less. Realistically, depending on your tier, I would say you need to have damage be around Hadou 20 for no cooldown.

This ability is okay but needs to have more information like the others. It sounds like Scorcher needs the lava from Magma Core to be in place as a prerequisite. Is this correct? If so this needs listed in the ability. Next, you direct the lava at the enemy but what is the form of this? Is it in a constant stream? In orbs? Or as something else? Additionally, what is the range of this ability? This is important for determining the cooldown. Finally you say it deals Hadou 50 damage per hit. How many hits can each instance of this ability? Please add all this information so the ability can be properly graded. As I'm reading it this ability can hit the opponent more than twice which should mean at least a 3 post cooldown.

Steak Launcher
This ability seems okay if, I'm decoding the grammar correctly, except for the cooldown. Right now you have it listed at Hadou 40 which means it needs no cooldown however, the special properties of certain materials would require cooldowns.

Volcanic Rock: Explodes into flames (Cero speed and power, Inflicts 2nd degree burns) - This needs a 2 posts cooldown at least

Ice: Cause ice burns on enemy or slows them down - This needs probably a 2-3 posts cooldown depending on: The level of frostbite. Is it first degree or second degree? What level is the slow? 0.5x slow?

Conducive metals: Cause the object to electrocute enemies (Bala speed and power, 1st degree burns) - This looks like it needs a 2 post cooldown.

Stone: Slams into the enemy with power.(Cero Speed, Gran Rey Cero power) - This needs at least a 3 post cooldown.

Bone: Causes acid burns or breaks mid air to make it harder to evade. - This has a few problems. First what level are the acid burns (1st 2nd)? Second, how does it break apart and into how many pieces? What level damage does this deal as an intact spike versus splintered spikes?

Fake Out
You still need to fix some of the things Rena mentioned in her fixes log. Please review those again. (What happens if the mirage is attacked etc.)

Dark Nebula
You still need to fix some of the things Rena mentioned in her fixes log. Please review those again. (How is the darkness formed? Maybe volcanic ash? Etc.)

Quick Draw
This seems okay.

Ash Step
This sounds like teleportation which is much faster than shunpo. On the site shunpo is technically the cap for movement abilities. Although, the guidelines also state that teleportation is a user-limited ability. In this case however, this ability is too easily abusable. As a result it needs removed or modified extensively. Given your reaction time is sufficient any form of teleportation is basically an auto dodge which isn't okay.

Larger Mag
This is problematic because it seems like you could fire two special steaks in one post. This would mean you could fire two Stone steaks and essentially fire off two Gran Rey Ceros in one post. In theory this is okay with a sufficient cooldown but 2 posts is no where near enough. You have two options.

1.) Larger Mag lets you first off a special stake in combination with a normal stake. This will let you keep the cooldown as is.
2.) Larger Mag lets you first off any 2 steak (even special steaks) in one post but the cooldown needs to be 5-6 posts. Additionally, the steaks fired off would also have to be off cooldown.

Your boosts for your shikai need fixed as well. Review the link I gave above for stats and boosts. Realistically for shikai, you'd probably wants 2x to all in most cases.

Reaper Slash
Rena's points seem to have been covered however, to make it easier on your fellow RPers, it would be helpful if you listed the actual Hadou damage number in the ability since its comparison is to a numberless kidou.

Finishing Blow
What abilities can this be applied to? It sounds like you're trying to use it to augment you existing abilities. Depending on how you fix and describe this I'll probably want to see a 5 post cooldown.

Lock On
This seems like it gives all ranged attacks a homing ability when the user is within 15 meters. To what degree do the ranged attacks home? Can they implement massive course corrections or just move in the general direction of the target without any real aim? Also what happens if the opponent is within that 15 meter range when the attack is fired but then moves outside that 15 meter range? This seems like it could be abused with your steak launcher and steak launcher's abilities to make things like two stone steaks basically auto hit the target within 15 meters so please elaborate.

Head Start
Just say: Increases speed by 45% for the first battle post of a thread.
Also you say "users" this only applies to your character though correct?

Double Whammy
Two options. Make this a 5 post cooldown or have the damage split evenly between the two steaks and leave the cooldown the same.

Fix your bankai boosts. See my above comment for shikai boosts.

Breaking Point
Please see Rena's comment about grammar. I'm not even sure if I understand what this ability really does.

Giga Slash
Please quantify the slash. What are its dimensions and what range does it have? Also per Rena's comments, as is this ability is crazy powerful. So much so that it needs a 6-7 post cooldown or once per thread. I'd suggest reducing the power so you can use this more than once during a battle.

Double Tap
I hope this applies only to normal attacks. Otherwise you're telling me you could use Giga Slash with this and basically have Giga Slash hit twice doing God levels of damage. This is not okay. Also does the second round of damage apply instantly or can the recipient get hit by the first and dodge the second? Please elaborate on this ability.

Okay this is...interesting but needs some fixes. First you need to say any non-solid non-character made object. So for example you can't turn an energy wave from an opponents ability into a steak. That would be ludicrous. Second:

(wind: Bala speed, cero power) (no cool down) - This is firing a Cero at Bala speed with no cooldown. This would be a 2 post cooldown.

Again fix the boosts.

Last edited by Quantum on Wed Sep 06, 2017 6:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

View user profile

#5 Re: Ritorukirā Akuma on Wed Sep 06, 2017 1:17 pm

General Fighting Style
Okay, no. We have dealt with many users before who have attempted to sneak things like this past us. "Dark Rush", where you "swings so fast it seems like a shadow pass by you and then you get hit you": This is an ability. Fighting Style is for how your character fights. What do they rely on, instinct or knowledge; are they tactical, long-range, acrobatic, fluid, dynamic, stoic- these are all examples. Please do not have anything in your fighting style that hints at an ability. To be specific, Dark Rush needs to be removed completely.

Also, you state several times throughout your application that you can switch between a Child and an Adult; while this is not entirely impossible, I would like you to have at least one ability slot that explains what's actually happening here, since it seems like when you're an adult you have more physical strength, and if you're changing around your Strengths and Weaknesses between the forms, you absolutely need an ability dedicated to that.

Please re-read what Quantum said, because it doesn't seem like you looked at it at all. You need to be clear and concise in this; please use [THIS LINK (CLICK ME)] to determine Akuma's strengths & weaknesses.

I'm not a fan of you having fucking lava (or Magma) at your disposal when you're not even released. I would prefer that this entire concept be moved to your Zanpakutou, be it Shikai, Bankai, or Toukai. That said, I will grade the abilities independently.

Magma Core
Why does it only last 4 turns? How much Lava can you have at once? Could you turn the Atlantic Ocean into Magma? (Hint: The answer is no)
• Cooldown: 5 posts - Does this apply to manipulating it at all, summoning it, or both? Also, as a reminder, cooldowns begin after an ability ends. So, if Magma Core lasts for 4 posts, (not turns, posts) you would have to wait 5 posts after Magma Core ends to use it again.

Magma Core Tech: Imbued
Please quantify exactly what the burns are, as well as how long it lasts on your weapon.

What do you mean 50 damage per hit? This ability has no guidance on it and makes it very difficult to understand. Please give it a clear guideline, because basically every single member of the staff has had to look at this now, and not one of us can comfortably explain what this ability does.

Lava Weapons
As in, you are making weapons of Lava that you can wield as normal weapons? If they explode, do you take damage as well? I'd prefer the cooldown be jumped to 3 posts, especially if you can make all 5 in one post. Do you have to hold the weapons? Do they float telekinetically? Are you launching the Gates of Babylon: Lava Style? Clarify, please.

Stake launcher
This seems more like a piece of equipment, but given exactly what it can do, I understand it being in the abilities section. Much like Magma Core, I would prefer this, given what it can do, be moved to your Zanpakutou (Shikai, Bankai, or Toukai).

Reading this, I am so incredibly confused as to what you're going for. On one hand it feels like a Hookshot from the Zelda series, on the other hand it feels like you're just shooting stakes that can take on elements and stuff... I'm just so confused as to what the hell this actually is, on so many levels.

Volcanic Rock
• Yeah I mean I guess this is fine, but I'd prefer you only be able to use a given element once per 3 posts (meaning use Volcanic Rock, it cannot be used for 2 posts)

• Considering the power this has, DEFINITELY a 3 post cooldown. We do not allow anyone on the forum to use a Gran Rey Cero level attack every post, especially if it's the same attack.

Conductive Metals
• What... what do you classify as a conductive metal? Give us an example of what you would have to touch, I'm assuming, to use this as your element? It's fine otherwise, just clarify that.

• See: Ice

• Choose 1: Acid Burns (1st Degree), or can Shatter mid-air to splinter into multiple projectiles. Also, how fast and powerful is this particular element? can you break your wrist open, touch the bone, and fire this? How else are you planning on using bone?

Stake Launcher can only fire one stake per turn
• This is good, this is smart. Good job, you.

Magma Core has a 200 feet radius.
• This is not good, this is not smart, bad job you. Lower it to 50 feet because it's fucking lava, or lower it to 100 feet and put it in your Zanpakutou instead of all the time.

Oh boy...

Are you even reading what we're saying? I'm getting tired of scrolling through this application time and time again to see that you aren't listening to anything we're saying. You posted in the Discord asking someone to go look at your app again because you'd fixed it. So I'm going to be very, very clear about these abilities. Do not request another look at your application until these abilities are fixed properly.

Fake Out
• You make a Mirage of yourself. That's okay, but what does this Mirage do? what happens if this Mirage is hit? Does the attack pass through harmlessly because it's not real? Can this Mirage actually deal damage if it hits something? How do you make the Mirage? What is the exact duration of this ability, in POSTS, for how long it can last? Yes, it has a Cooldown of 2 posts. Can you give us an example of something else in Bleach or another Anime that has this type of an ability, so we at least have something to compare it to and can help you word it in a way where we aren't going to get confused when reading it?

Quick Draw
• This is actually okay.

• Why do you suddenly have water?... alright, whatever, you take damage from it too so I'll be more lenient for it. Please add some sort of visual cue, so that this ability can be played around, rather than just "Suddenly, WATER"

Larger Mag
• Quick Draw is okay because it modifies the Stake itself. This is not okay, because it allows you to double tap special elemental stakes. I'm going to simply copy paste what Quantum said, because I don't think you understand. My notes, on Quantum's message, are in blue.

@Quantum wrote:This is problematic because it seems like you could fire two special steaks in one post. This would mean you could fire two Stone steaks and essentially fire off two Gran Rey Ceros in one post. [color=#133769][This is exactly correct, and the reason we can't allow this as-is.][/url] In theory this is okay with a sufficient cooldown but 2 posts is no where near enough. You have two options.

1.) Larger Mag lets you fire off a special stake in combination with a normal stake. This will let you keep the cooldown as is. [This means, say, an Earth Stake and a non-elemental Stake. Or a Volcanic Rock Stake and a non-elemental Stake. Do you understand?]
2.) Larger Mag lets you fire off any 2 steak (even special steaks) in one post but the cooldown needs to be 5-6 posts. Additionally, the steaks fired off would also have to be off cooldown. [The cooldown would need to be 6 flat, not 5, but yes you would need to be able to use both of them. This brings me back to each individual elemental Stake having a 3 post Cooldown.]


Steam Vents
• Slowing movement speed of other characters directly (as in, you now move x% slower) is not allowed. This also has no given range or description of the gasses. You did well with Geyser, why did you slack off here? I don't care if they're exactly the same as Geyser, put them here too.

• This is fine.

Double Wammy
• (Cannot use two different ammo types)(Cannot use special stakes, must use normal stakes only)(Does not work with Quick Draw) - Add in all of those, and this is fine.


• You realize that the concept of "Random" indirectly implies "Won't actually hit anyone unless they want it to"? To be fair though, I guess that's kind of most abilities. Anyway, 25 meters is fucking huge.. this entire ability would hit all of Seireitei simultaneously. You need to lower these numbers tremendously; may I suggest 1 meter for the large rocks, and 1 foot for the smaller rocks. Drop the "Broken bone" comment, because directly implying damage is metagaming. Otherwise this is relatively fine I suppose.

Meteor Slam
• And then you have to dial it up to 11... 15 meters is still fucking huge, so drop that down to some other number between 1 foot and 1 meter, and what do you mean 1.25x the damage; 1.25x the Small rock damage, or 1.25x the big rock damage? When you don't clarify anything, we have to guess; when we have to guess, we don't like you.

Double Tap
• This seems fine, actually. Provided you realize that it's not an auto-hit, and if you miss, then both hits are missing.

• transitive verb;
• 1. archaic; to allege or prove to be of unsound mind and hence not responsible.
• 2. to cause to appear or be stupid, foolish, or absurdly illogical
• 3. a, to impair, invalidate, or make ineffective; b, to have a dulling or inhibiting effect on.
I am positive at this point you're fucking with us and becoming self-aware at how "absurdly illogical" and "of unsound mind and hence not responsible" you are... either you're a good troll and you're fucking with us, or you're an idiot with no idea that you made a self-depricative pun. Either way I hate it.

• Yeah no I don't like this and implying it can let you use special stakes multiple times. If you want to make it give you the element of Wind, that's fine, but you're gonna need that same 3 post cooldown I've asked for on all of the other elements.


Genuinely, I am disappointed that time and time again you are harassing staff about their decisions, you are challenging their decisions, and you are blatantly ignoring what we are saying to you.

We want your character to be done as much as you do, if not more. Do you have any idea how tired we are of having to look at the same app constantly? Make a conscious effort to finish this application, following ALL of the guidelines I have here, and then bug us. You are free to ask for HELP on an ability, or ASK if you don't understand something I've said, but you need to stop getting pissy when one of us says something you don't like.

Rena said, in the FIRST REVIEW OF THIS CHARACTER, that Mirage needed to be expanded on. Quantum said it, and now I've said it. Make a conscious effort to fix the issues, genuinely try to make a BALANCED character, and we will revisit all of this when you're ready for us to.

View user profile

#6 Re: Ritorukirā Akuma on Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:32 pm

I'll add a side-note. For one thing I support what Alexis has put out here 100%, and for another thing you're at best getting 2-1. You're not even getting Bankai yet, let alone Toukai. My advice would be to eliminate those sections all together, save them somewhere if you'd like, and focus solely on Shikai and other issues with the app. You have not proven capable of handling higher than 2-1, no point in muddying waters by dealing with shit you aren't even ready for.

View user profile

#7 Re: Ritorukirā Akuma on Thu Sep 07, 2017 3:29 am

Moving LOL

View user profile

Sponsored content

View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum