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[Open] Maki's Struggle

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on Tue Apr 18, 2017 5:53 am

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8th Division
8th Division
(This is open to all current members of the Committee, new recruits, sorry but no.)

To those wandering nearby corridors, it could easily sound like a fight was taking place in the office of me, a certain Leader. I am Maki Kesshou. Most of the people here know me by face and by name, and as well as they should. They even seem to like and respect me. I often wonder why, as I have so much doubt in my own ability to manage and run this place. Tonight was particularly painful in that regard. Papers were strewn about the floor, reports from last week, last month, three months ago, all mingled together. This was different for my normal office. But the reason was simple. I was going through cases of how I treated new members, and how I've tried so very hard to learn how to lead, while yet failing. New member counts were still low, and our forces couldn't hold a candle to anything else, Gotei or CHAOS in any stretch of size. I'd gotten too overloaded with everything coming in with no real way of properly dealing with it. To this, I'd made Alexander Kerensky my lead advisor, simply because I didn't have a formal direction, and his advice had helped me more than anything lately.

As the night grew longer, pounding of fists against steel tables could be heard echoing down the halls, accompanied by furied screams. One might question if I was losing my mind, but it could very well have been. I was hoping, somewhere in the back of my mind that someone, anyone would show up and talk this out with me. I needed something to re-center myself, for certain.


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on Fri Apr 21, 2017 9:32 pm

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Fullbringer
Fullbringer
Alex heard the pounding and went to his desk. And promptly got out a bottle of wine and two glasses. He was only glad that it was a skeleton crew at night, and even more so that Jun had already left. The bucket hat wearing man walked to her office and opened it, seeing the mess. But he gave out a small smile held up the wine bottle. "I realize it's not sake, but it sounds like you could use someone to vent to." With permission, he'd walk in, closing the door and pouring both of them a glass of the incredibly old dry wine. He'd been saving it since late 1800s, just a year before Theodore Roosevelt. Alex asked her a simple question. "So, what has you riled up this late at night? Surely not a boyfriend pissing you off?" He attempted to be light hearted and joking about it. But it probably feel flat on it's face. Either way, he'd listen to her.

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on Sat Apr 22, 2017 8:10 am

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8th Division
8th Division
Amidst my anguish and my noise, during a pause, I heard a quiet, complacent voice. Alexander, my trusted advisor. I'd grown to trust him more for his ability to calm me down and help me understand more clearly what I should do. He pleaded with me lightly and asked permission to enter. "Yes... please do come in." As he entered, he brought in a rather old, but well kept bottle of wine. I didn't have to ask, I knew it was older than I was, but by how much, now that thought made me chuckle a little, albeit half-heartedly. Then of course he had to ask the one question that was going to stir the pot. To be honest, there was only one question that could be asked of me now.

"Heh, no. Boys these days don't seem to take kindly to a girl who can kick some ass.... It's hard to fully describe, but a lot of my frustration is directed at myself. I've only gotten this way once before, when I was much younger.. and it wasn't nearly this bad. Basically, I've grown overstressed because of the whole leadership struggle. I've found myself in positions where I've overcompromised and let myself be manipulated, and I've also had times where I've tried to maintain order through harsh strict rules as a direction. I'm starting to wonder if I'm really cut out for this..." I started off making eye contact with him, but as the explanation went on, I found it difficult to keep my head up more and more. I even started to shake here and there. I wasn't normally this vulnerable, but something about having Alex here made it easier to let go.


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on Sun Apr 23, 2017 10:32 pm

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Fullbringer
Fullbringer
Alex chuckled at the comment about boys not liking girls that can kick some ass. Well, Jun was probably one of the few that wouldn't mind...just like his father if his mother was any indication. He'd met her once and did not want to meet her again. He'd listen to her as he sipped his wine while making sure she had a full glass. He'd heard similar things in the past. Which was probably why he was considered her top advisor...his life experiences. "You're hardly the only one to have said such things. New leaders often do the same. It takes experience, something you're lacking for the moment. The important thing is that you learn and reflect, mull over what you could have done differently, and learn from the experience. I get the feeling you're trying to do everything yourself, and not leaning on anyone else, even just slightly. Something I think we spoke of before. The greatest strength any one person can have is to learn. You have a lot of good people here. The Princess of the Quincy, the kido boy with ancestry of both one of the founders of the Committee and of a Shinigami, myself, and others. It's also important to try to relax once in a while and distress for a day. The Committee isn't going to fall apart in a day."

He wondered what she will say to that. She had a good head on her shoulders, but hopefully his emphasis on learning from your mistakes would help her make better choices in the future. As much of a workaholic as he was, even he had to relax once in a while.

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on Mon Apr 24, 2017 7:57 pm

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8th Division
8th Division
With every word Alexander spoke, I felt calmer. He surely did know what I felt, and I've ever since been sure that he was the correct choice as my chief advisor. He spoke with me like we were old friends, something that I don't remember having many of. He also spoke of the possibility that it's simply that I haven't fully adjusted to my role as leader, and as I try and find out what that's supposed to feel like, challenges would continue to arise. He made even more sense. As I mulled it over in my thoughts "Some leaders are born, others must be forged, like steel." As I said this, I sat upright, letting my posture redefine the situation. He was right, I can still make this work, I have others behind me, and if need be, I can step out for a day. I took a deep sigh and looked at him. "Thank you, Alex. You've been a big help." I'd take a sip of the wine and spend a little bit more time appreciating his experience.


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