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#11 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Sat Feb 27, 2016 4:08 am

Ok so i've made some changes, i hope this is a lot better? let me know if i still need more so, bumping!

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#12 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Sat Feb 27, 2016 5:01 am

Appearance: Yaas!
Personality: Yeesh~!
History: Hell yea!
RP Sample: Yup yup!

Overall Quality: Much better! Do that one more spell check with any program (word counters tend to have that, fyi) and after that, read over your app multiple times. There's not that many spelling things anymore, but there's some. You can definitely do this!

Ready for Approval: Not yet, but don't be upset. You've really improved your application, and you're nearly there - just a little fine-tuning and that's it!

Notes: Make a separate section for the Bankai, ie. separate it from shikai with a headline. You can also remove Kido section entirely, as Ichigo doesn't know any Kido and probably never will, due to his abysmal skill of controlling his reiryoku. Below's a few things about techniques.

TaylorGraves00 wrote:Technique Name: Getsuga Tensho (Moon Fang Heaven-Piercer)
Technique Description: Getsuga Tensho is a highly powerful technique in which the user gathers reiatsu within the blade itself charging up super dense energy that can been seen surrounding on the blade itself as the reiatsu builds. Once Zangetsu is swung the highly charged energy is flung from the sharp tip that soars outwards and materialises into a huge crescent moon shaped beam. It has the capabilities to destroy anything it touches, cutting through or ripping down large building structures and taking out enemies effectively. The colour of the reaitsu is usually a light glowing blue when Ichigo remains in his Shikai form. When in Bankai or hollow form the Getsuga Tensho changes colour dramatically, from blue to a black with dark red outlining to the stream of reiatsu.

Ichigo can use the technique in a few varied more dynamic ways, and each one can aid in separate ways. The most common way it is used is just to aim at enemies directly and cause serious damage. He could also contain the heightened power of the Getsuga in the sword itself keeping it wrapped around the blade to make his sword swings more formidable and daunting strikes to his opponent. He could also use the Getsuga as a way to block or push back an attack or an enemy. By slashing at the ground with a Getsuga using the sheer force to hold back an attack and bat it away.

Technique Effect Chart:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Very deep gash wounds with severe burns. or completely cut the opponent in two.
Opponent is One Tier Lower: Leaves deep slashing damage where hit with moderate burns.
Opponent is Equal Tier: Moderate slash wounds and minor burns.
Opponent is One Tier Higher: Minor slash wounds to area and irritation of skin.
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: No damage and could completely resist attack if enough reiatsu resistance is applied.

You should remove the parts in red highlight. Black Getsuga Tensho is not actually a Getsuga Tensho, but Kuroi Getsuga. Cutting an opponent in the half could go there, but I would prefer it not to - I'll explain this briefly in the Kuroi Getsuga tech.

TaylorGraves00 wrote:
Bankai Abilities:

Tensa Zangetsu gives Ichigo an instant boost of +2 FAR on attributes when in Bankai. Thus adding an increase to his speed naturally Ichigo's Bankai is a compression of all his chaotic and fierce reiatsu. It compresses it down in order for it to be used in other ways rather than expansive in a hugely impactful way. His offensive power is also increased by +2 FAR and boosts his usual Getsuga Tensho meaning it is more powerful in Bankai form.

You should write something along these lines; "Tensa Zangetsu gives Ichigo an instant boost of +2 FAR on ___ and ___ attributes." or "Due to the small size of his Bankai, all of his chaotic and fierce reiatsu is compressed into his ___ and ___, thus granting him a boost of +2 FAR to each attribute."

In other words, you should clearly state the attributes, that his FAR bonus goes to.

TaylorGraves00 wrote:
Technique Name: Kuroi Getsuga

Technique Description:
Tensa Zangetu keeps it's Getsuga Tensho but in a different form, it is used and can be varied in that of the same way his Shikai attack does. This attack is originally that of his hollow and therefore a hollow technique but can be used in Bankai. One of the main differences is the path and colour of the blast. It changes from the usual blue to a black with a dark red outline similar to the colour Ichigo's Bankai has within it. It's force and power are also another notable difference in this enhanced Getsuga. Ichigo seems to create difference paths for this attack, it has sometimes just been used in the same crescent moon shaped style and on other occasions usually with his hollow mask in place it sometimes spins, or rotates over as it is released.

Technique Effect Chart:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Very deep gash wounds with severe burns. or completely cut the opponent in two.
Opponent is One Tier Lower: Leaves deep slashing damage where hit with moderate burns.
Opponent is Equal Tier: Moderate slash wounds and minor burns.
Opponent is One Tier Higher: Minor slash wounds to area and irritation of skin.
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: No damage and could completely resist attack if enough reiatsu resistance is applied.

Kuroi Getsuga is that of a regular Getsuga but with a +1 FAR to its strength.

The tier effect chart is same as in Getsuga Tensho, but you've made a note that it's +1 FAR stronger than Getsuga. You're of course free to do this, but what I meant in my review/PM (can't remember which), was that you'd alter the chart a little. Here's an example (+ explanation for why you should take the one sentence off the regular version).

Technique Effect Chart:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Severs a limb or cuts the opponent in half.
Opponent is One Tier Lower: Very deep gash wounds with severe burns.
Opponent is Equal Tier: Leaves deep slashing damage where hit with moderate burns.
Opponent is One Tier Higher: Moderate slash wounds and minor burns.
Opponent is Two+ Tier Higher: Minor slash wounds to area and irritation of skin.

Do you see the point I was trying to make in making it one tier more effective than regular version? Again, you're free to do as you wish, but this would be far more simpler. Razz

TaylorGraves00 wrote:
Mask Ability: Once the hollow mask is summoned and put on Ichigo's level of durability goes up. This inhumane form allows him to withstand a lot more than when in Shikai or his Bankai for that matter. He can take on attacks and not be phased by them and continue to fight on. By breaking through the restrictions and the barrier between shinigami and hollow, Ichigo is able to take his power to a more increased level. His strength is boosted as well as the intensity of his attacks.

Mask Duration: 1-3 posts; cannot summon his mask at will.

This mask ability suggest, that it gives you a +1 FAR boost to Defense and Offense, rather than an ordinary AR boost. This is pretty much acceptable, but you need to separately state, that it gives him a boost of +1 FAR to both Defense and Offense, as in you need to use the words I highlighted in italics.

Bumping this! @Fauna Yasenha @Graven Fel @Izuna Kimura @Manda Marluz

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#13 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Sun Feb 28, 2016 3:37 am

Alright! nearly there then and ive made the minor changes you suggested Erida!

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#14 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Sun Feb 28, 2016 4:41 pm

Your application looks great, just some very very fine-tuning with colors again. It seems you've ran a spell check (?) because there is little to no grammatical errors in your application! I'm now leaving the rest of the grading to rest of my staff colleagues, but you can bet I will give this application my approval Smile

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#15 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Sun Feb 28, 2016 4:43 pm

Okay. Right now I am super busy, but I promise that tomorrow morning I will sit down and grade this for you.

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#16 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Mon Feb 29, 2016 3:33 am

Okay so here we go..

Appearance - Approved. It holds the correct amount of paragraphs for an appearance. I have no issues with this.
Personality - Approved.
History - Approved.
RP Sample - Approved.

Now to simply check your powers...

I see no problems. I believe that Ichigo is to be approved at a tier of 2-3 to 2-1. Whatever it may be I give my approval.

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#17 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Mon Feb 29, 2016 3:25 pm

Thanks for checking! how many approvals do i need before i can start?

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#18 Re: Kurosaki Ichigo (NEEDS CHECKING) on Mon Feb 29, 2016 3:55 pm

Two! So, I'm okay with you starting with the tier 2-3, as that is Ichigo's tier in the beginning of Arrancar arc.

APPROVED!

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