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Bleach Story RPG

AU Bleach Roleplay Forum, where you can create your own RP character.


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#11Guest 

on Sun Sep 14, 2014 3:40 pm

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Quantity:
Appearance:3+
Personality:2+
History: Comprises of two completed role play threads.
Rp Sample:12+

Quality: Flawed sentence structure, punctuation errors, capitals missing, paragraph structure needs work as well and there's a broken link in the appearance section.

Tier: Depending on the second staffer, I think this app is eligible for 5-1 or 4-3 at best. I admit there's an increase of length but the quality remains unaltered.


• Telepathic ability: Kurai has a special type of telepathic ability by planting a flame mark on someone's body, she is able to speak directly into their mind's without stopping something to do so.
Telepathy is a banned ability and you're trying to pass it off as a personality trait? Remove this.

The excessive use of the word "Gigi", there's no such thing, it's a gigai. I wouldn't normally tell people to alter such a mistake but you've used it too much in the app so alter it please.


Battle Specs:

Name: Black Flames
Effect: Kurai's main feature is that she is able to control a extreme hot version of flames, so hot they burn themselves and turn black, reaching temperatures as hot as the core of the sun.
Temperatures as hot as the sun while she is a 5-1 or 4-3 mod soul? The temperature of the flames and their potency will be determined by tier. This has the potential to be used wrongly so rephrase it.

Technique Name: Bow of black flames
Technique Description: Kurai can shape a bow of black flames and fire arrows of the same flames, these are only strong enough to destroy menos-class hollows, anything above that will only take some burn damage.

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will be heavily damage and will have serious burns covering the body with some parts still on fire for another post unless put out.
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will be greatly damaged with some heavy burns and some parts on fire which will stay lit on fire for another post unless put out.
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have a good amount of damage with some burns and some parts on fire which will stay like that for one post unless put out.
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have little damage on hem, with some light burns and some of their clothing or anything else on fire, which will remain burning for one post unless put out.
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent will take the least amount of damage, with light exterior burns on the skin and some clothing or anything else maybe on fire, which will continue to burn for one post unless put out.

Add post count and post cool down.




Technique Name: Sphere of black flames
Technique Description: Kurai uses the black flames to create a sphere of black flames over herself plus anyone near her to protect protection from shinigami up to tenth seat in strength, anything above that can break through the flames.

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Sphere lasts for four posts, causing decent burn damage to the surrounding area and to anyone trying to break it open with their hands.
Opponent is One Tier Lower: Sphere lasts for three posts, causing good amounts of burn damage to the surrounding area and to anyone trying to break it open with their hands.
Opponent is Equal Tier: Sphere lasts for two posts, causing minimum burn damage to the surrounding area and it can be torn open by focusing reiatsu to the hands and breaking the flames apart.
Opponent is One Tier Higher: Sphere can only protect her for a single attack before breaking open like a egg, same applies to above tiers.
What if the tenth seat is  a tier 3-3 shinigami? No need to determine effectiveness in terms of seat/rank, the tiers are there for that purpose. Alter this.

Also add post count and post cool down.


Technique Name: Imperial black flame funeral (Teikoku kurohomura sōgi)
Technique Description: Kurai uses her flames to surround an enemy from all sides before making them raise around it, making a oval-shape sphere before she crushes the sphere into them, capable of incinerating low-level hollows, anything stronger will only take burn damage.

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: most targets are incinerated after used (On NPC hollows of tier 5 ranks).
Opponent is One Tier Lower: Most targets take severe burns to their entire body.
Opponent is Equal Tier: Most targets take a decent amount to their entire body.
Opponent is One Tier Higher: Most targets take a good amount to their entire body.
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: Has no effect at all as it can be blocked simply with their natural reiatsu.
So if she grows to tier 3-3, will she be able to insta-kill hollows of tier 4? The two tier lower opponent effect chart:alter it. Add post cool down and post count as well.


Ability Name: Fetish Shape shifter
Ability Description: Kurai, in her Gigi, is able to detect someone's fetish and her body will change depending on the fetish the person has.
So let me get this straight, if Kurai occupies Luke's gigai, that gigai will then have the ability to shape shift? Nope, it won't. There should be a specially designed gigai for it and shouldn't apply to each and every kind of gigai, so mention this as a note. IC, if she wants to use this ability she'll have to remain in that gigai if she wants to use this ability.


Technique Name: Lust brainstorm
Technique Description: at Luke's request, Kurai's brain in her Gigi was modified so during her lust mode, she has knowledge of every sexual act, position, fetish and styles of every sexual act ever devised, giving her great knowledge of pleasuring everyone and anything she comes across.

Not a technique, it's an ability.

#12Guest 

on Mon Sep 15, 2014 2:48 am

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Epizon wrote:What if the tenth seat is a tier 3-3 shinigami? No need to determine effectiveness in terms of seat/rank, the tiers are there for that purpose. Alter this.

Also add post count and post cool down.

The Post count for the sphere is in the tier effect chart, I don't think I need to add another post count to it.

Apart from that, most edits have been done, for the bow, I haven't given it a post count as it's her main weapon in battle apart from her flames so giving a post count to it would be the same as giving a post count to every quincy bow around.

Also, the final technique doesn't need a post charge as it is used and burns out within the same post, therefore, giving it a post count would make it too OP in this case so instead, I've given it a super long cool down to make up for it, although the likelihood is that she would ever use this attack on someone more then once is very unlikely as most can properly survive it anyway and she doesn't like fighting anyway so the likelihood of her even being in a battle thread is low at that, just saying ^_^;

As well, I've made double sure to check my spelling and grammar, as you know, those two things ain't my strong points in any regard xD but I've done my best to double check each point and thank you for telling me how to spell Gigai correctly, Epizon xD it's good it was spotted now before I post this bump message again lol, Hopefully now I can get a decent score as the link I fixed to so you should be able to look at all of them now ^_^ Also moved Lust storm up to modified abilities and made it a ability, so yh, come on 4-1 >.< *crosses fingers*

#13Guest 

on Mon Sep 15, 2014 6:53 pm

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Name: Black Flames
Effect: Kurai's main feature is that she is able to control a extreme hot version of flames that reach 1,200 centigrade, these flames she controls with her mind alone, using her hands to guide her flames she summons to attack targets.
Why must you put it into figures? The entire system is stat less, doesn't involve figures. So make the flames extremely hot, that should be enough.


Apart from that, most edits have been done, for the bow, I haven't given it a post count as it's her main weapon in battle apart from her flames so giving a post count to it would be the same as giving a post count to every quincy bow around.
Are you saying that it's a quincy's bow? Then how can a mod soul use it? It's not a quincy's bow, so it needs a cool down.


As well, I've made double sure to check my spelling and grammar, as you know, those two things ain't my strong points in any regard xD but I've done my best to double check each point and thank you for telling me how to spell Gigai correctly, Epizon xD it's good it was spotted now before I post this bump message again lol, Hopefully now I can get a decent score as the link I fixed to so you should be able to look at all of them now ^_^ Also moved Lust storm up to modified abilities and made it a ability, so yh, come on 4-1 >.< *crosses fingers*
I admit I see some alterations but I'm not satisfied so I'm sticking to the grade I suggested earlier. You can complain about it to the next grader, Sorry.

#14Guest 

on Mon Sep 15, 2014 7:16 pm

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Edits made to black flames.

Again, I believe you are misunderstanding what I've said, it's isn't a quincy bow, no but it stays manifested as long as required by the user, like a quincy's bow, only instead of being made from reishi, it's made from flames, having formed into the bow and solidified, having it fade away after a couple of posts makes it seem rather impractical so I'll keep it unchanged for now and wait to see if the next grade wishes it to have a post count and gives me a real reason why it needs one then simply "give it a post count"

unfortunately, I can't help if you don't like it, that's your personal choice, which is fair enough, not my decision to say anything else to change your mind so I'll wait for another grade to come check it, thank you

#15Guest 

on Tue Sep 16, 2014 12:42 pm

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Again, I believe you are misunderstanding what I've said, it's isn't a quincy bow, no but it stays manifested as long as required by the user, like a quincy's bow, only instead of being made from reishi, it's made from flames, having formed into the bow and solidified, having it fade away after a couple of posts makes it seem rather impractical so I'll keep it unchanged for now and wait to see if the next grade wishes it to have a post count and gives me a real reason why it needs one then simply "give it a post count"
I didn't think I needed to state a reason for it because presumably it was obvious, hence I only said "give it a post count". But apparently you need for it to be explained so here it is: There's a limit to how much she can use reiatsu, she can't manipulate the reishi around her unlike a quincy. As the bow is made of reiatsu and not reishi, which you are aware of; it'll exhaust in a matter of time(posts). You can't use them for as long as you like and as frequently as you like, irrespective of the fact that whether it's the main technique, or the side technique or the finishing technique: those details are irrelevant.

So since your unwilling to alter it, it's denied.

#16Guest 

on Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:40 pm

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Epizon wrote: There's a limit to how much she can use reiatsu, she can't manipulate the reishi around her unlike a quincy. As the bow is made of reiatsu and not reishi, which you are aware of; it'll exhaust in a matter of time(posts). You can't use them for as long as you like and as frequently as you like, irrespective of the fact that whether it's the main technique, or the side technique or the finishing technique

See? was this so difficult? this is a reasonable and valid reason, I don't see why you had such a issue simply giving me this reason, now I have it, I can give it a post count but again, would you stop presuming I'm refusing to edit it, it's quite rude, this is twice now, do you mind continuing this grading without it please, if you don't know what I'm referring to, it's this I find rude:

Epizon wrote:So since your unwilling to alter it,
This is the part I found rude, it would have been better if you had said "This tech will remind unapproved until such time as the necessary edits can be made" there was no need to presume I wasn't willing to alter it, just I wasn't going to without a better reason then "add a post count", which you have now given, can we be reasonable and move on, once the edit has been made?

#17Guest 

on Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:43 pm

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Guest
Edit made, Bow now lasts for six posts but anytime when the bow is deactivated, it has a four post count regardless of when it was deactivated

#18Guest 

on Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:45 pm

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I'd indulge in this argument Luke but I don't find a constructive end to it, If you found it rude it wasn't meant to be so and since it wasn't meant to be so I'm not going to apologize; there are a few things that I found rude as well, but I won't get into it.

Regardless, giving it a 6 post effective time is a bit unreasonable that's because the character doesn't have that much reiatsu, in reference to the tier. You'll have to reduce this to a 4 post count and the post cool down should also be reduced to 2 post cool down, I find that quite acceptable. Alter it, bump it and you've got my approval.

#19Guest 

on Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:55 pm

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Well, let's agree to disagree then and move on from this then since as you said, this sort of coversation won't get anywhere.

Bumping edits made to bow so post count is four to two post cool down

#20Guest 

on Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:06 pm

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I'm glad that we see eye to eye on something at the very least. All the suggested alterations have been made, I'm approving this app for the tier of 5-1 or 4-3; final decision rests in the hand of the second grader.

On a side note, I've been itching to use this.

#21Sponsored content 


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