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Vlad Abbau (Quincy)

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on Sun Apr 27, 2014 10:40 pm



 
Who are you?
 


 
 
 
 
Name: Vlad Abbau
Alias: the disintegrater, Phoenix, sky-kun
Age: 22
Age of Appearance: 22
Gender: Male
Race/Species: Quincy
Character Alignment: Neutral Good
 
Appearance: Vlad is 6 foot 2 inches tall with a average muscle build due to him favoring speed over strength, although he's not weak by any stretch of the imagination, having a thin but deceptively strong body type, a similar build to a karate practitioner in this reguard.
 
He has a light peach skin tone and cobalt hair with it coming down in a rough V shape, covering the middle of his forehead with four, precisely done spikes of hair running down both sides of his head, with the spikes curving up ninety degrees towards the direction they are on (ninety degrees left for the two facing the left and ninety degrees right for the two facing the right) with short sideburns to emphasize the contours of his face
 
Because of his blue hair, some people, mostly girls called him "Sky-kun" because of his sky-blue hair.
 
He has deep, onyx eyes and sharp but intelligent features, giving him a somewhat cold but alluring look. His eyes reflect a look of disdain as he generally doesn't being near people.
 
His face looks to be set in a permanent scowl, he has the same expression when fighting, letting little pass the net, his expression changes drastically when something catches him off guard to one of rare shock at whatever had surprised him. When Sad, his features soften and his eyes take on a deeper black color, although he doesn't cry as he believes in suffering in silence to let his tears out
 
 
Style/Clothing: Vlad's quincy outfit is a white monk's habit with the design altered for the quincy, with a large cowl and cloak that is split in four sections near his waist, each section having the symbol of the quincy cross near the ends of the sections and on the back of the habit with white jogging bottoms and matching ankle boots.
 
The rims of the sections are colored red as well as two, decorative cuts in the fabric of the cowl near the top so they are visible but only with the first third of the "cuts" being visible.
 
He wears the seele schniders on a back-mounted harness with the seele schniders fitting horizontally in the harness, with the top one facing left, the one below it facing right and the pattern is the same for the bottom two. He stores Gintō on arm mounted holsters that are fitted to his upper arm on both arms, each of these Gintō stores up to three Gintō tubes per holster.
 
when not wearing his quincy outfit, he wears the Karakura high school uniform like Uryu from the fullbring arc, as shown in the image below:
 

 
During a formal event, he wears a white and red suit, with a four-piece suit, consisting of a white shirt, matching trousers and jacket and a red waistcoat, with this, he has in addition a red neck tie and handkerchief, the handkerchief kept in a side pocket on his jacket, the back of the jacket has a basic red cross woven into the jacket, the red cross is also on top his white ankle boots, which are a variation of the ones he wears with his quincy outfit. A image of the suit is down below:
 

 
He also has a ornate, silver pocket watch with a quincy cross on the lid and connect to his trouser pocket with a silver chain.
 
Tattoo's/Scars/Etc: None
 
Personality: Like I've stated earlier, Vlad's normal looks cold and analytical, normal keeping to himself, either in study or reading books on quantum physics or medieval Britain but he's good natured at heart but he has a hard time admitting it from pushing those feelings aside for so long, he can break down quick once he's at his breaking point.
 
when he has to be with people, he speaks politely but he normally comes across as somewhat snobbish or stuck up and may often offend people without realizing it, although this is part of his desire to be left alone so he does things that will allow him to be alone, including ignoring people completely, although he prefers a small group of one to two people at a time instead of large groups like those at parties or large events.
 
When meeting new people, Vlad tends to ignore them, letting another friend he knows speak for him, this is especially true is the person he is meeting has more then three people in the group, although he will speak to those who come to him individually and he will be more calmer and relax because of it.
 
When facing a enemy, Vlad tends to be silent and to keep his face blank of any response and hidden under his cowl unless his cowl is knocked back to reveal his face which then will allow his opponent to see his face and any expressions he makes while his hood is removed, although once the fight is over, he'll return the cowl back to cover his face, he also makes a habit of talking to the dying enemy to pray for them to find rest before they die.
 
When those he cares or close friends about are targeted for attacks, he will first deflected the attack or get in the way, using his bow as a shield to stop the attack before getting them out of danger, either to the nearest safe place or using Gritz to protect them while he fights, which he will then deactivate once the battle is over.
 
 
(For Likes, Dislikes, Ambitions, etc, go for 1-3 sentences per point, more if you wish.)
 
Likes:
 
•  Target practice: Vlad enjoys honing his skill with his bow, aiming for ever further distances and accuracy
• Reading: Vlad enjoys reading, especially books on history and quantum physics which he uses to burn time as well as get a better understanding of the atomic structure of objects
• Being alone: Vlad enjoys being by himself, although he doesn't mind having someone nearby to talk to
• Taking "prayers": Vlad has a habit of praying for a dying opponent before they die, the prayer count or in a more basic term, his kill count, he keeps track of in a thin notebook, hidden in a holy book in his room
• Meditation: Vlad enjoys meditation as not only as a way to relax but to further his ability to draw in Reishi and his ability in tracking spiritual pressure
 
 
 
Dislikes:
 
• groups of people of more then three people: Vlad hates being in a group of more then three people, this is especially true when in a event of a large amount of people like a concert or a party
• Being called a nerd: one of the few things that gets Vlad's angry is being called a "nerd" or other forms of that word, anyone who does will end being a human pincushion, no matter who or what said it
• Shinigami: as a quincy, Vlad has a pet hate of shinigami, although he will work with them from time to time but only if it concerns him, if not, if anyone even mentions a shinigami, they will end up with a arrow in the ass
• Being underestimated: Vlad hate during a fight or just in general being underestimated by anyone, either due to his body not being super muscular or by people underestimating his reiatsu which most of the time works in Vlad's favor but does its part to annoy him
• Pineapples: Vlad also dislikes pineapples as he finds it too much effort to get into and finds the fruit too watery for his taste
 
 
Ambitions/Dreams/Goals:
 
• One of Vlad's goals is to get his clan out of hiding so both he and his clansmen and women can regain their pride again
• He dreams of the day when his parents can come out of hiding and be proud of him but until then, he lives on as the last Abbau quincy
• the other goal is to beat the strongest of the shinigami to prove that quincys are better then shinigami
 
 
 
Strengths:
 
• Keen intelligence: Being one of the top grade students in Karakura high, being in the top ten highest performing students, he's highly intelligent, being able understand complex subjects like quantum physics easily, when this is put into other realms, he can understand concepts quickly and also has learnt the ability to lip read, this is in cases of whenever he needs to follow a conversation through a window were he can't hear or if he's too far away to hear what they are saying verbally
• Tailoring: Vlad knows enough about tailoring to not only design his quincy outfit and his formal wear but can keep them in good working order and can easily adapt them, given enough time that is
• adapt strategist: Vlad is also a great strategist, able to accurately take shots in a array of ways to either take out the target in one shot or disable them by taking out their joints and tendons to stop them from moving, he also uses his collection of seele schnider, Gintō and his bow to create traps and is able to know enough of his location to lead his opponents into them, this also is useful for escaping places and people without being followed, normally making used of his Hirenkyaku to escape those who try to follow him
• level-headedness: either during a exam or in battle, one of Vlad's most valuable traits is that he can, for the most part, keep his head together and remain focused on the task at hand, weather that's acing a test or defeating his opponent, this is a useful skill indeed
• Honorable: Vlad's follows the quincy's code of honor to protect those close to him and to uphold the honor of the quincys, no matter the cost to himself, that's his vow as the only active member of the abbau quincys
 
 
Fears & Weaknesses:
 
• Salad cream: Vlad has a irrational fear of salad cream, at the sight of it, he'll duck and cover under a bench or table or anyone nearby
• Temper: Vlad is prove to losing his temper quicker then most if pressured, especially if someone is pushing his berserker button
• total breakdown: one of the reasons Vlad reads the books on quantum physics is that he fears his power to breakdown objects into Reishi going out of control and breaking down every object he touches complete or as he calls it "Total breakdown"
• superiority complex: Vlad has a superiority complex, which goes some way to explain the looks of disdain he gives people as well as one of reasons he prefers to be alone since no one else can stand him looking down on them because he believes he's better then everyone else  
• curry: Vlad can't stand over-spiced curry, although his doesn't mind a mild curry like a kurma but too hot makes his throat hurt, which may lead to a humorous fire breathing fit before taking down a whole bottle of milk to cool his throat, normal when he gets over-spiced curry is when his friends wish to play a practical joke on him
 
 
 
Clan Name: The Abbau clan
Quincy Cross: Vlad's quincy cross is a standard cross that is black in color with a ruby set into the center of the crossway with a small, thin black chain connected to the top of the cross
 
Quincy Artifacts: seele schnider (x4), Gintō (x6)
 
Artifact Name: seele schnider
Artifact Description: Vlad uses two versions of seele schnider; two that are the standard variation but two are specially modified versions as they have two ends instead of one, getting the end of the seele schnider a Y-shape, similar to a tuning fork, although the two ends can be straighten out into a T-shape by the two ends being on a hinge
Artifact Purpose/Ability: Vlad's use of seele schnider is by using them for bladed combat and to steal away and break down the spirit particles more easily for his use, he uses the tuning fork shaped ones for pinning an enemy against a wall or another hand surface to slow their movements down
 
Vlad can use seele schnider's strongest technique which is down below:
 
Spell Name: Sprenger
Spell incantation: none
Spell ability: by firing all four of his seele schnider into a X-formation around the target, forming a barrier with four beams of Reishi connect to a flat square-shape panel of reishi at the target's feet, Vlad then uses a Gintō and pours the liquid reishi onto the top of the nearest seele schnider which burst at the top with spirit energy before all the seele schnider burst and send the reishi down the four beams, hitting the panel and exploding upwards and outwards up to where the four seele schnider at up, acting as the barrier for the explosion, due to vlad's unique reiatsu, this also causes a fire to spread out, setting fire to the surrounded area, made from the condensed reishi, further increasing the damage caused by Sprenger
 
Artifact Name: Gintō
Artifact Description: Gintōs are small, silver tubes with the quincy cross on one side of the tube which quincys use to store liquid Reishi which quincys use to perform spells around releasing the Reishi in the Gintō and, with most of the spells, use a incantation similar to the shinigami's kido to complete the technique, although once the Gintō is drained of Reishi, the quincy cannot use the spells connected to Gintō until they are refilled with the liquid Reishi which is difficult to do during a battle
Artifact Purpose/Ability: Vlad uses these Gintō for the various Gintō technqies used by the quincy, these include:
 
Spell Name: Gritz
Spell incantation: "A silver rod strikes, the five-fingered stone bed"
Spell ability: by throwing a Gintō at the target, once it gets within range, which then spends out into a quincy cross that is the size of the target which then closes in, creating a complete cylinder of solid reishi around the target, trapping them similar to a iron maiden but without the spikes on the inside, Vlad can use this to trap opponents, protect people by using Gritz on them to protect them since Gritz can also be used as a defensive option as well and he can even use it on himself to protect himself from a fatal attack although it will break after
 
Spell Name: Heizen
Spell incantation: "Feel the wrath of battle and accept this sacred chalice"
Spell ability: By throwing four Gintō into the air, creates a rectangular cuboined of solid Reishi that is fired at the opponent to split apart whatever is in its way, this technique is manly used to deal with hollows since this technique is the most effective in deal with them since other quincy and other beings of strong spiritual power like the shinigami can counter this technique easily using Kido or in the case of other quincys, using their arrows to break it or using Heizen against it
 
Spell Name: Ausfall
Spell incantation: "Light converts into five, The bearer of division strikes and moulds this cross"
Spell ability: Ausfall is a Abbau clan technique, the use throws two Gintō at a wall or whatever they need to get through, after speaking the incantation, the two Gintō spread out, forming a quincy cross within a circle, this then breaks down whatever is in the way, a wall for example, with a hole the size of a normal human being, this makes it useful for escapes or to quickly lead a opponent somewhere and disintegrating the wall in front would be much quickly then going round
 
 


Battle Specs
 


 
 
 
Fighting Style: Vlad knows some forms of Karate, although he rarely has to use it due to him being a long-range fighter, only coming to rely on it when he force to or has to get in close using either the blades on his bow or by using seele schnider to cut his opponents or making use of his tuning fork style seele schnider to fix his opponents to walls or other surfaces to stop their movements.
 
Vlad trains the hard way, forever attempting to find his limit and to go pass that limit to increase his own power, if he did train with someone else, he would try to push them to their breaking point but without having to kill them because it goes that there's a difference between training someone and killing them because if he killed them, then there would be no point in training them since they would be dead and dead people can't be of any help.
 
During a fight, he takes a different approach, depending on the skill and power of his opponents, if they are the same in strength to him, he'll run his normal course of leading them into traps or picking them off from a distance, if this works, he'll pray for the dying opponent before finishing them, taking a record of his pray into his prayer count record.
 
but when he fight's a opponent stronger then him, he still tries to lead them into traps in hopes to wear them down enough so they would be on a more even playing field, if this doesn't work, he rely on his stronger attacks like Sprenger and Saishū kuroi honō: Fenikkusu to take out his opponents, if all else fails and he has reached his limit, he'll run and lead the his opponent away from the other people before leading his opponents to a clearing when he springs his final trap: a deep spike pit with the bottom contain burning hot liquid reishi, whenh is opponent falls in, he'll seal the top with a plate of solid reishi with a quincy cross on top to either finally kill his opponent or at least, buy time until some who can shows up to defeat it
 
Personal Abilities:
 
 
(Personal abilities are special powers unique to your character, such as being able to put your enemies into an illusion trance by touching them, or being able to turn your energy into solid dirt permanently. These are traits your character was either born with or attained through special circumstances. They cannot be taught to or learned by others. Examples would be fire elemental reiatsu, unnaturally sharp reiatsu sensing, and genetic mutations.)Limit: 2
 
Name: master Sharpshooter
effect: Vlad is high skilled in shooting down enemies from far away from a distance of twenty-five miles away with a single shot and being quite accurate as well in this regard.
 
Name:Blut Vene
effect:Blut Vene is the defensive Blut which allows the user inhuman defensive ability, being able to save the user from a fatal attack and even stop critical wounds from bleeds, this Blut works by sending spirit particles directly into the blood system to use its power to its fullest. Requires four posts to cool down after use
 
Technique Effect Chart:
 
*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*
 
 
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: damage is near enough negated, which the attack only causes a scratch if that or maybe some light burns on the outside from a energy blast
Opponent is One Tier Lower: damage is heavily reduced, which only a cut or some small burns on the outer skin
Opponent is Equal Tier: damage is greatly reduced but may still end up with a cut wound or some more extensive burns to the body
Opponent is One Tier Higher: damage is reduced a descent amount but may still end up with a deep wound or heavy burns, although due to Blut Vene, the wound will not bleed
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: in this tier, Blut vene is only be useful against a fatal attack but Blut vene will only be able to stop the bleeding at best, leaving the attack more or less at its full strength, maybe only slightly reduced
 
Elemental Affinity: Fire
 
General Techniques:
 
(These are moves your character was taught or trained and developed on their own. They are things anyone would be able to learn and perform unless they are dependent on your unique race or abilities. Examples are custom shunpo variations, hakuda/zanjutsu techniques, and using your reiatsu on an object to simulate telekinesis.) Limit 4
 
 
Technique name: Hirenkyaku: Shuryō sākuru (Flying Bamboo-Blind Leg: Hunting circle)
Technique Description: using Hirenkyaku to move rapidly, Vlad fires arrows from several different directions to eliminate all blind spots around a opponent so they cannot escape the assault of arrows. Requires three post cool down before reuse
 
Technique Effect Chart:
 
*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*
 
 
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Opponent will be hit from all sides, taking heavy damage
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent may get hit from all sides and take a great amount of damage
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent may get hit from all sides and take a good amount of damage
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent may get him by only half of the arrows fired and take some damage
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent may avoid altogether, may get a stay arrow somewhere either in their clothes or light body damage
 
 


A Quincy's Bow
 


 
 
Bow Appearance: when manifesting his bow, Vlad's quincy cross floats up so its floating in front of his palm to which he then grips with his hand, wrapping his middle finger and his ring finger around the cross section at the top of the cross.
 
Vlad's bow takes the form of a longbow with the ends of the frame taking the shame of flickers of flame, there is also two, oval shaped blades that come out from the cross section of the cross, splitting the frame of the bow apart slightly, leaving a gap between the two frames, with the two blades coming out a further five meters before stopping, the string of Reishi is connect from the cross section and connected to the flame-like ends of the bow, a picture I drew of the bow is down below:
 
 

 
The bow is called "Kurohomura no tori" or "Bird of the black flames"
 
Bow Type: Longbow-Single shots but can go further in distance and strength, making Vlad a sniper in terms of this bow
 
Bow Techniques: (These are techniques available only through the use of your bow. You may start with 4.)
 
 
Technique Name: Kuroi honō: Hyō (Black flame: hail)
Technique Description: Vlad, using a single arrow of Reishi, splits that arrow into three before firing, where Vlad using his manipulation of Reishi, duplicating them in mid-air as a way of getting round his bow's lack of the ability to fire more then three arrows at once. Requires a one post cool down before reuse
 
Technique Name: Kuroi honō: Makikomu (Black flame: engulf)
Technique Description: Vlad generates a arrow with a flame-like fletching, he then fires this arrow at his target, once the arrow hits the target, the explodes violent with flames made of Reishi, engulfing the target in flames. Requires two post cool down before reuse
 
Technique Name:Saishū kuroi honō: Fenikkusu (Final black flame: Phoenix)
Technique Description: Vlad charges a large arrow into his bow, the arrow itself changing shape into a phoenix made of Reishi, with its tail comming out behind Vlad and with wings that are slightly bigger then the size of his bow, the phoenix created acts like it would as if it was alive, squawking and screeching before Vlad fires the phoenix at his target, which is shoot with great speed and hits the target, exploding with slightly more force then Sprenger and adds in massive burn damage to the target as well due it the whole "arrow" being made of fiery Reishi. Requires a four post cool down after use
 
Technique Effect Chart:
 
*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*
 
 
Kuroi honō: Hyō:
Kuroi honō: Hyō:
 
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will be heavily damaged and will have deep puncture wounds which may bleed for a total of three posts
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will be greatly damaged, will some puncture wounds covering his/her body and may bleed for a total of two posts
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have a good amount of damage, with some puncture holes which may bleed for one post
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have some light damage, with some visable damage do the the outer skin and holes in clothing or other objects attached to the body like a arrancar's mask for example
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent may not even take damage apart from some light burn damage on the skin to indicate otherwise
 
 
Kuroi honō: Makikomu:
Kuroi honō: Makikomu:
 
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will be heavily damage and will have serious burns covering the body with some parts still on fire for another post unless put out
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will be greatly damaged with some heavy burns and some parts on fire which will stay lit on fire for another post unless put out
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have a good amount of damage with some burns and some parts on fire which will stay like that for one post unless put out
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have little damage on hem, with some light burns and some of their clothing or anything else on fire, which will remain burning for one post unless put out
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent will take the least amount of damage, with light exterior burns on the skin and some clothing or anything else maybe on fire, which will continue to burn for one post unless put out
 
Saishū kuroi honō: Fenikkusu:
Saishū kuroi honō: Fenikkusu:
 
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will barely be standing, having taken heavy explosive and extensive burn damage to their body. full body shook for two posts
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will just be about able to stand, with great amounts of both explosive and heavy burn damage to their body, full body shock for one post
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have some body functionality and movement but still having explosive damage and some good burns covering their body, body numbness for two posts
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have basic arm and leg movement and can walk with some explosive damage and burn damage, body numbness for one post
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent will have enough body function to be able to dodge some attacks made with some explosive and burn damage, body numbness for half a post
 
 
 


Tell me your story...
 


 
 
History:
 
Vlad was born into the Abbau clan of quincy's while they were still in hiding, his parents made sure that as he grew up, he was not to leave the confines of their comunity so Vlad spent his time going around the quincy hidden comunity to which he made a friend from another, a young girl who he spent most of his childhood years with playing and studying in the ways of the quincy
 
while in his teens, Vlad and Lilly were studying together one day when Lilly told Vlad she was heading outside to get a surprise for him, he nodded and saw he a few moments later outside in the garden, walking into the shed when blue light poured from the windows as the shed started disintegrating around her, Vlad quick ran for help but it was too late as the shed broke down enough to collapse on top of her so by the time the adult quincys had shown up to get her out, she was dead, hit hard in the head by a falling beam and caused her skull to break, Vlad cried at the loss of his friend as he watch the other adult quincys take her lifeless body away.
 
The teacher spoke to the class a few days after the funeral had taken place about the dangers of their power; that if left uncontrolled, they could break down more then they need and cause things to collapse around them as in the case of Lilly, he told us that this would be a solemn remind not to abuse the power they were given
 
when he was eighteen years old, he escaped the quincy hidden community, tired of being in hiding for so long that it felt like it was choking him, having completed his theory on his training as well as taking his newly acquired quincy cross with him, after a week of grueling travel, he made his way to Karakura town with only his quincy outfit and a backpack to his name, he didn't have anywhere to go so he wondered around and saw a women with a chain in her chest, being chase by a fish headed hollow so he quickly rushed to the women's aid but getting smack away by the hollow, knocking onto his back as the women scream in terror as the hollow grabbed her, gripping his hand, he stood up and as the hollow was going to bite into the women's neck, the hollow ended up with a arrow in the head, making the hollow roar in pain, dropping the women in the process.
 
the hollow turned its head to find that Vlad had activated his quincy cross for the first time, his bow of solid reishi notch with another arrow as he fired, hitting the hollow directly between the eyes before the flame-like fletching on the end of the arrow exploded, destroying the hollow within a ball of fiery reishi.
 
After that, he got the idea to become a contract assassin, finding big time people with plenty of money to spare gave him person after person to kill, allowing him to train himself on the go but soon found himself as a natural at it and what made him more popular was that once the reishi arrow had kill their targets, the arrow would disappear, leaving no trace of him anywhere near the crime scene but Vlad began to tire of the contracts and decided he wanted to start learning again so, after buying a modest two-bed house, he enlisted at Karakura high to continue his studies while he did the contracts as a side business.
 
Now, he's a tailor which he does as his main business, making clothes for either the rich and famous to the everyday people, he would design and make them clothes and would charge them accordingly, although he still takes a contract every so often to boost his income but for now, enjoys reading and training his bow and himself to make the best use of both his bow and his unique ability to break down objects into reishi to one day, get his parents to join him in the outside world and be proud of what he manage to do without them
 
Rp Sample:
 
Vlad sighed as he leaned on the railings surround the roof of the school, looking at towards the slowly sinking sun.
 
"I wonder...Father...mother...if you could see me now, what would you say? would you be proud of me or reject me? what if..." Vlad thought to himself when a voice rang out
 
"Sky-kun!" one of the female students called out as she walked over to him, she had a fair body shape, long dark red hair and purple eyes, Vlad felt himself getting annoyed at that, ever since he enrolled at Karakura high, the girls gave him the nickname "sky-kun" because of his sky blue hair and the worse thing was she knew it annoyed him so that's why the girls said it to see if they could get his reaction it but he stuck it up and let them call him it, finding it a waste of time to tell them to stop since they wouldn't listen to him anyway, he turn around and look at the girl in question
 
"Yes, rose; what is it?" Vlad asked her impatiently, really hoping to get down to the problem without too much of this girl's annoyance to deal with.
 
Can you walk me home, sky-kun? please? Rose asked him, giving him those wide eyes like a cat with big, wide pupils and felt his resolve crumble as there was no stopping a cute girl with those wide, sparkly eyes, he sighed and took her hand
 
"Come on then" Vlad told her before walking off with her in tow, giving a yip of joy at her little victory as she follow her "sky-kun" back to her home, she turned around to thank him but there was no one there apart from a rustling of the wind to speak of the emptiness that no long had a human presence, she sighed sadly and looked to the sinking sun
 
Why, my sky-kun, why do you always leave me, you show kindness and then leave before you can be thanked...why must you be so sad, sky-kun? why won't you let me into your heart..." Rose thought to herself as she looked at the sun to ponder before heading inside, closing the door behind her as she did so...

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on Tue Apr 29, 2014 5:52 pm

Can someone come check my work and grade it please?  eyes: 

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#3Guest 

on Tue Apr 29, 2014 7:17 pm

avatar

Guest
Quantity(in paragraphs):
Appearance:4+
Personality:7+
History: 6+
Rp-sample:3+

There are spelling errors and grammatical mistakes all over the app, but it's still a nice app, so once I'm done nitpicking the app, depending on what the other staffer may think, I believe it'll be a good 4-1 or 3-3 tier.

Quality:

Now, I'll grade your techniques, on a pass or fail basis.

Spell Name: Sprenger
Spell incantation: none
Spell ability: by firing all four of his seele schnider into a X-formation around the target, freezing his movements with four beams of Reishi connect to a flat square-shape panel of reishi at the target's feet, Vlad then uses a Gintō and pours the liquid reishi onto the top of the nearest seele schnider which burst at the top with spirit energy before all the seele schnider burst and send the reishi down the four beams, hitting the panel and exploding upwards and outwards up to where the four seele schnider at up, acting as the barrier for the explosion, due to vlad's unique reiatsu, this also causes a fire to spread out, setting fire to the surrounded area, made from the condensed reishi, further increasing the damage caused by Sprenger

I don't see why the target would be frozen, so that part you'll have to take out. How about you making that square form a barrier, once the Seele Schneider, all four of them land making the x formation, it results in a square barrier, connecting the schneider's at the edges. The explosive and triggering affect are okay with me. Depending on the tier of the target caught, he/ she may or may not be able to break out the barrier before it explodes.


Spell Name: Gritz
Spell incantation: "A silver rod strikes, the five-fingered stone bed"
Spell ability: by throwing a Gintō aim at the center of the target's chest, which then spends out into a quincy cross that is the size of the target which then closes in, creating a complete cylinder of solid reishi around the target, trapping them similar to a iron maiden but without the spikes on the inside, Vlad can use this to trap opponents, protect people by using Gritz on them to protect them since Gritz can also be used as a defensive option as well and he can even use it on himself to protect himself from a fatal attack although it will break after

Why make it so specific that it NEEDS to hit the center of the target's chest? I suggest you change that and make it like it only needs to hit it's target, the rest of the effect is okay with me.


Name: Disintegrating touch
Effect: due to being in the Abbau clan, Vlad is able to break down objects into Reishi simply by touching it, allowing him to take Reishi without any effort on his part, Vlad can also control how much something is broken down by this power so he doesn't disintegrate everything object he touches.

Let's see what's made of reishi, shinigami, hollows, soul society and Hueco Mundo. You don't need to disintegrate anything in Hueco Mundo or Soul society, as you must have seen in the anime, Uryuu was able to freely manipulate reishi over there, and he didn't need a disintegrating touch, but here's my problem, if your character accidentally touches the shinigami or arrancar of another member, they'll disintegrate, so, you'll have to change this.


Name: Flame-style Reiatsu
Effect: Vlad's Reiatsu forms as flames both when his exserting spiritual pressure or manifesting his bow or his arrows, which are able to cause burn damage and even set flammable objects on fire

Elemental Affinity: Power and shape transformation
Instead of using up the space for an ability, just remove the flame-style reiatsu, and put 'flame' as the elemental affinity. And besides, power and shape transformation? which power are you transforming and which shape exactly?


Technique Name: Hirenkyaku
Technique Description: Hirenkyaku is the quincy high-speed maneuvering technique, used by gathering spirit particles underfoot to allow the user to move quick over a short distance

Technique Name: Blut Vene
Technique Description: Blut Vene is the defensive Blut which allows the user inhuman defensive ability, being able to save the user from a fatal attack and even stop critical wounds from bleeds, this Blut works by sending spirit particles directly into the blood system to use its power to its fullest. Requires two turns to cool down after use

Technique Name: master Sharpshooter
Technique Description: Vlad is high skilled in shooting down enemies from far away from a distance of twenty-five miles away with a single shot and being quite accurate as well in this regard.


Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*

Blut Vene:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: damage is near enough negated, which the attack only causes a scratch if that or maybe some light burns on the outside from a energy blast
Opponent is One Tier Lower: damage is heavily reduced, which only a cut or some small burns on the outer skin
Opponent is Equal Tier: damage is greatly reduced but may still end up with a cut wound or some more extensive burns to the body
Opponent is One Tier Higher: damage is reduced a descent amount but may still end up with a deep wound or heavy burns, although due to Blut Vene, the wound will not bleed
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: in this tier, Blut vene is only be useful against a fatal attack but Blut vene will only be able to stop the bleeding at best, leaving the attack more or less at its full strength, maybe only slightly reduced
None of these is a technique, but rather it's an ability. I hope you understand the difference between abilities and techniques. Abilities are one's, let's say, natural gifts. that can not be attained via training.

Whereas techniques are skills using those abilities, that can be learned and improved via training.
For example, shunpo/flash step is an ability, speed clones/utsesumi is a technique using that ability. You'll have to think about general techniques and remake them.


Technique Name: Kuroi honō: Hyō (Black flame: hail)
Technique Description: Vlad, using a single arrow of Reishi, splits that arrow into three before firing, where Vlad using his manipulation of Reishi, duplicating them in mid-air as a way of getting round his bow's lack of the ability to fire more then three arrows at once. Requires a one post cool down before reuse

Technique Name: Kuroi honō: Makikomu (Black flame: engulf)
Technique Description: Vlad generates a arrow with a flame-like fletching, he then fires this arrow at his target, once the arrow hits the target, the explodes violent with flames made of Reishi, engulfing the target in flames. Requires two post cool down before reuse

Technique Name:Saishū kuroi honō: Fenikkusu (Final black flame: Phoenix)
Technique Description: Vlad charges a large arrow into his bow, the arrow itself changing shape into a phoenix made of Reishi, with its tail comming out behind Vlad and with wings that are slightly bigger then the size of his bow, the phoenix created acts like it would as if it was alive, squawking and screeching before Vlad fires the phoenix at his target, which is shoot with great speed and hits the target, exploding with slightly more force then Sprenger and adds in massive burn damage to the target as well due it the whole "arrow" being made of fiery Reishi. Requires a four post cool down after use

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*

Kuroi honō: Hyō:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will be heavily damaged and will have deep puncture wounds which may bleed for a total of three posts
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will be greatly damaged, will some puncture wounds covering his/her body and may bleed for a total of two posts
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have a good amount of damage, with some puncture holes which may bleed for one post
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have some light damage, with some visable damage do the the outer skin and holes in clothing or other objects attached to the body like a arrancar's mask for example
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent may not even take damage apart from some light burn damage on the skin to indicate otherwise

Kuroi honō: Makikomu:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will be heavily damage and will have serious burns covering the body with some parts still on fire for another post unless put out
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will be greatly damaged with some heavy burns and some parts on fire which will stay lit on fire for another post unless put out
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have a good amount of damage with some burns and some parts on fire which will stay like that for one post unless put out
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have little damage on hem, with some light burns and some of their clothing or anything else on fire, which will remain burning for one post unless put out
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent will take the least amount of damage, with light exterior burns on the skin and some clothing or anything else maybe on fire, which will continue to burn for one post unless put out

Saishū kuroi honō: Fenikkusu:

Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: opponent will barely be standing, having taken heavy explosive and extensive burn damage to their body. full body shook for two posts
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent will just be about able to stand, with great amounts of both explosive and heavy burn damage to their body, full body shock for one post
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent will have some body functionality and movement but still having explosive damage and some good burns covering their body, body numbness for two posts
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent will have basic arm and leg movement and can walk with some explosive damage and burn damage, body numbness for one post
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent will have enough body function to be able to dodge some attacks made with some explosive and burn damage, body numbness for half a post

This is not the appropriate format, labeling the effect charts still makes it confusing and if another member needs to see your character app to check out the effect chart of a specific technique, they'll find it confusing. The technique template is there to be used, please use it and after you've edited, I'll check your techniques.

Reference to your disintegrating ability in your history should also be removed.

on Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:56 pm

Hey, can someone come and recheck my work since I've edited it due to Epi's request?  eyes: 

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#5Guest 

on Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:37 pm

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Name: Disintegrating touch
Effect: due to being in the Abbau clan, Vlad is able to break down objects into Reishi simply by touching it, allowing him to take Reishi without any effort on his part, Vlad can also control how much something is broken down by this power so he doesn't disintegrate everything object he touches, this ability only works for non-living constructs like buildings, pots, fences etc, this ability doesn't work on living things like people, animals and organic organisms like shinigami, arrancars and other quincys and the ability is used in conjuction with a quincy's ability to absorb Reishi, the touch is useful when Vlad doesn't wish to expel any effort in killing someone and when he is exposed by a opponent, for stealth kills, this is impractically since it draws too much attention for it to be effective.
I believe I did explain a few things about reishi, and which things can be broken down into them and which can not in the pm I sent you about this. This remains unaffected by what I told you, so I will explain this once again in hopes that it get's through.

Not everything(pots, fences, buildings) in the world of the living are made of reishi, putting aside the soul society and the Hueco Mundo, the world of the living has it's basic building blocks such as atoms and molecules, there are spots where reishi exists in the world of the living as well, and it's a built in/default/natural ability of a quincy to manipulate reishi, without an excessive effort, so you don't need to consume an ability slot to control reishi. As for disintegrating things to reishi, if something isn't made of it, how will it be disintegrated into it? it's rather conversion, and I don't believe atoms would be converted into reishi just like this, as it is seen that reishi and atoms don't mix well together. I hope this makes a few things clearer, as to why this ability has to be altered.


Name:Blut Vene
effect:Blut Vene is the defensive Blut which allows the user inhuman defensive ability, being able to save the user from a fatal attack and even stop critical wounds from bleeds, this Blut works by sending spirit particles directly into the blood system to use its power to its fullest. Requires two turns to cool down after use

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*


Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: damage is near enough negated, which the attack only causes a scratch if that or maybe some light burns on the outside from a energy blast
Opponent is One Tier Lower: damage is heavily reduced, which only a cut or some small burns on the outer skin
Opponent is Equal Tier: damage is greatly reduced but may still end up with a cut wound or some more extensive burns to the body
Opponent is One Tier Higher: damage is reduced a descent amount but may still end up with a deep wound or heavy burns, although due to Blut Vene, the wound will not bleed
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: in this tier, Blut vene is only be useful against a fatal attack but Blut vene will only be able to stop the bleeding at best, leaving the attack more or less at its full strength, maybe only slightly reduced

Nice job putting the effect charts of this ability, it makes it a lot easier for everyone, but using such a formidable ability after every two turns is a bit op, so I say increase the cool down post time to 4 and it'll be okay.


Technique Name: Hirenkyaku
Technique Description: Hirenkyaku is the quincy high-speed maneuvering technique, used by gathering spirit particles underfoot to allow the user to move quick over a short distance, Vlad uses this technique for his own variant of it:

Still, NOT a technique, rather an ability. Said everything that needed to be said about this, not repeating it.


Technique name: Hirenkyaku: Shuryō sākuru (Flying Bamboo-Blind Leg: Hunting circle)
Technique Description: using Hirenkyaku to move rapidly, Vlad fires arrows from several different directions to eliminate all blind spots around a opponent so they cannot escape the assault of arrows
A technique with no effect chart.


Technique Name: master Sharpshooter
Technique Description: Vlad is high skilled in shooting down enemies from far away from a distance of twenty-five miles away with a single shot and being quite accurate as well in this regard. this he uses for techniques such as:

Technique Name: Tan utsushi zanshu (Single shot decapitation)
Technique Description: using this skill, Vlad can accurately take of a enemy's head using a single shot, this only works for human and hollow targets those as other spiritual beings like the shinigami won't be killed by this technique since they are more durable then the soft targets of other humans and hollows

Master sharpshooter is NOT a technique.Tan utsushi zanshu, really? since your decapitating hollows and humans, why leave shinigami out of it? the technique is too op, so disapproved.

Either your being persistent or your ignorant, I apologize if it sounds too harsh, but look at it from my perspective, you ask me to recheck it but mostly what I have said I have to repeat it all over again. Enclosing the technique effect charts into spoilers why go through this much work? can't you copy paste the appropriate effect chart with the corresponding technique instead? thus making it the same template as everyone else uses and is familiar with, making it a lot more convenient for future reference.

I apologize but the next time, ask another mod to check and grade your app, this is a bit too frustrating for me to point out something once and then repeat myself over and over again until it's fixed. Try reading what I say the first time, like completely, it'll help.

on Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:43 pm

I've finished editing again, can I have a mod come and look at it?  

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#7Guest 

on Thu May 01, 2014 4:22 pm

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Technique name: Hirenkyaku: Shuryō sākuru (Flying Bamboo-Blind Leg: Hunting circle)
Technique Description: using Hirenkyaku to move rapidly, Vlad fires arrows from several different directions to eliminate all blind spots around a opponent so they cannot escape the assault of arrows

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*


Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Opponent will be hit from all sides, taking heavy damage
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent may get hit from all sides and take a great amount of damage
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent may get hit from all sides and take a good amount of damage
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent may get him by only half of the arrows fired and take some damage
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent may avoid altogether, may get a stay arrow somewhere either in their clothes or light body damage

Needs a cool down.

The rest of it is good.

on Thu May 01, 2014 5:01 pm

Epizon Psychi wrote:

Technique name: Hirenkyaku: Shuryō sākuru (Flying Bamboo-Blind Leg: Hunting circle)
Technique Description: using Hirenkyaku to move rapidly, Vlad fires arrows from several different directions to eliminate all blind spots around a opponent so they cannot escape the assault of arrows

Technique Effect Chart:

*The effect chart is for damage, durability, or any other after effect of a technique. The damage/effect/etc will be based off of tiers.*


Opponent is Two+ Tiers Lower: Opponent will be hit from all sides, taking heavy damage
Opponent is One Tier Lower: opponent may get hit from all sides and take a great amount of damage
Opponent is Equal Tier: opponent may get hit from all sides and take a good amount of damage
Opponent is One Tier Higher: opponent may get him by only half of the arrows fired and take some damage
Opponent is Two+ Tiers Higher: opponent may avoid altogether, may get a stay arrow somewhere either in their clothes or light body damage

Needs a cool down.

The rest of it is good.

Cool down added, ready for grading...hopefully

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#9Guest 

on Thu May 01, 2014 5:04 pm

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The app has my approval for 4-1, may lean towards 3-3 if another staffer finds it eligible for that grade. Nicely done Luke.

on Thu May 01, 2014 5:27 pm

Yay :D finally, got this done, just one more now :3

 dancing ichigo   dancing ichigo   dancing ichigo   dancing ichigo 

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#11Sponsored content 


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